The Day My Mama Let Me Shave My Legs
I vividly remember the day my mama let me shave my legs. Most girls may not remember this day, but it’s a day I will never forget. I came home from school crying and hurt because I was bullied at school. I now understand, as a parent you never want to see your child hurt and when they are you want to “fix it.” This is what my mom did for me. She tried to fix my problem by allowing me to do something I had waited on forever. She tried to take away the hurt and pain by turning my focus to something positive.
This day still sticks in my memory over 20 years later. I can still remember the people. I can still hear the words they said. It has never left me. You may recall a similar moment from your own school experience. You may be a parent right now struggling to help your child cope with the same hurt.
October is national bullying prevention awareness month. This is a time to raise awareness because of the prevalence of bullying in our schools today. It has taken on new forms in recent years and goes beyond beating someone up in the bathroom or taking their lunch in the cafeteria. It no longer just occurs at school and is often a premeditated choice. It is prevalent in sports, TV, cell phones, the internet, and social media. Most often bullying occurs through the power of words that demean, hurt, or sabotage others.
Bullying is social cancer with dramatic short and long-term effects on our youth. In, my home state, North Carolina 53% of high school students reported being a witness to bullying in their school. 16% of students reported being bullied on school property, and 12% reported being the victim of electronic bullying. (NC at Risk Behavior Survey, 2015)
Although my experience with bullying is still very memorable to me, it was short lived and the impact on my school experience was minimal. However, this is not the case for many children. Many students struggle with cutting themselves, eating disorders, skipping school, isolation, insecurity, depression, self-medicating, and develop poor academic performance because of bullying. Tragically, a few students contemplate taking their own life. 12% of NC high school students considered attempting suicide in the past 12 months, and this number increased to 47% for students who identified as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. (NC at Risk Behavior Survey, 2015) I’m not equating bullying to be solely responsible for thoughts of suicide, but it can be a contributing factor we need to consider.
Every child deserves a safe environment where he or she can learn and achieve. Students cannot learn in situations where they are fearful, embarrassed, or unsafe. While, there are many “anti-bullying” programs available, research shows these do little to have a lasting impact for all schools.
The first step in solving the issue is to understand if bullying is a problem in your school. You can easily attain this information from anonymous student surveys. The students will tell you… if you ask. You can also survey teachers and parents to triangulate the data about the prevalence and impact of bullying.
You can access FREE surveys for your students at Bringing Learning To Life.
After data is collected, you can now begin preventive measures based on the results. Create focus groups with a diverse group of staff and students to analyze the results. Students must be a vital part of the focus groups. We must stop trying to solve student problems without the voice of students. Our youth need to have a voice in setting goals, brainstorming ideas, and identifying solutions to bullying. This gives them an excellent opportunity to show leadership and gain practice solving problems.
If you find through your data that bullying is an issue, you need to target where and when it’s happening. Engage in dialogue with students to identify the “hot-times” and “hot-spots” it occurs. Through your focus groups, you can begin establishing what your school will stand for and why good character is important. Allow students to create clear guidelines for what bullying looks like and how they will be able to recognize it. It is the students who will be able to gain buy-in from other students to change school culture.
After you have conducted focus groups with students and staff based on the data, you need to share the results of the data and solutions with all staff, students, and parents. All stakeholders need to know how to respond and where to report it when they witness bullying. The staff, students, and parents must also clearly understand what it is and what it is not to ensure bullying behaviors are not ignored in the future. Everyone should be empowered to consistently show character, empathy, and know how to respond to bullying.
This is a process that won’t happen overnight, but if you take the first steps, you will have a good foundation. Remember new behaviors and habits take time to teach and practice consistently. There is not a “one size fits all” bullying prevention program that produces proven results for every school. Each school is different and, you must analyze the data of your school to identify the problems and plan solutions. Most importantly we have to let students be the voice for changing their school climate and culture.
Source: NC YRBS Survey Data
