When Kids Stop Asking Why
It’s a number one rule of parenting to have something to entertain your kids on long car rides. But, on the way back from the beach this summer I had roughly a 3-hour car ride with my 7-year-old and nothing to entertain him. No games, no books, iPad was dead, and he wasn’t sleepy at all! I knew this would be a long 3 hours. However, I didn’t realize that nearly the entire ride home would be filled with questions. Behind one question there was another. And yet another “WHY MOM” if I didn’t know the answers. I gave him the best answers I could, but by the time we arrived home my patience was shot. I was DONE answering questions. I needed to vent to someone, so I texted my family just a few of the questions he asked.
I’m sure that every parent, teacher or anyone who has been around a 5-year-old, for any length of time, understands what that car ride was like.
But as I’ve reflected back on that day I realized that there’d come a day when he’d stop asking me questions. One day he will not seek the answers from me for his natural curiosity for life’s most perplexing questions. He will turn to social media, to friends, and possibly even Google when he has questions. One-day “mama” will not be the one he will ask. I made a point to change my perspective on the way I approached his future questions. Instead of being frustrated, I need to cherish each time my child asks me a question. He needs to see that I appreciate the fact that he is embracing curiosity and coming to me for answers. I need to positively acknowledge his curiosity, by saying “Wow…that’s an interesting question. I never thought of that.”
Most importantly…I need to remember that one day those questions may very well stop. I need to enjoy them while they last.
Children between the ages of 2-5 are filled with a natural curiosity of “WHY” about everything. However, after teaching middle school I’ve noticed that something happens as our children get older. My 8th graders were not very curious and those “why questions” that I wanted them to ask were often silenced. When some students were curious, many lacked the confidence to ask questions aloud in front of their peers. It wasn’t cool to ask questions in 8th grade. 5-year-olds don’t care if it’s cool or not.
In our society today we need curious people. We need people who understand how to ask the right questions and solve global issues in the world and in our communities. Our students who can ask effective questions will become citizens who continue to know what questions to ask. Questioning and reflecting are essential skills we need as adults. When we buy a house, visit a doctor, or interview for a job we need to know the right types of questions to ask. We need to be confident in our ability to ask questions. By continually giving students practice with questioning we are honing their skills and preparing them for very important life skills.
Parents, I challenge you to nurture this curiosity at home. How many parents ask your child at the end of the day “What did you learn today?” only to hear the very boring… NOTHING! Try changing it up a bit and ask your child “What questions did you ask today?” or “What things did you learn at school today that you are still wondering about?”
Teachers, I challenge you to create spaces in our classrooms where curiosity and questioning are valued. We need to engage students in tasks that require them to ask questions and not just tell us the answers. We also need to acknowledge for our students that we don’t have ALL the answers.
Students certainly have the right to know, dig deeper, and even push back on ideas that we present in class. Questions create a dialogue and develop a deeper trust between the teacher and student that allows us both to mutually explore people, ideas, and problems together.
Let’s create environments where it is better to ask the right questions than always to know the right answers.
