When Kids Stop Asking Why

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It’s a number one rule of parenting to have something to entertain your kids on long car rides. But, on the way back from the beach this summer I had roughly a 3-hour car ride with my 7-year-old and nothing to entertain him. No games, no books, iPad was dead, and he wasn’t sleepy at all! I knew this would be a long 3 hours. However, I didn’t realize that nearly the entire ride home would be filled with questions. Behind one question there was another. And yet another “WHY MOM” if I didn’t know the answers. I gave him the best answers I could, but by the time we arrived home my patience was shot. I was DONE answering questions. I needed to vent to someone, so I texted my family just a few of the questions he asked.

I’m sure that every parent, teacher or anyone who has been around a 5-year-old, for any length of time, understands what that car ride was like.
But as I’ve reflected back on that day I realized that there’d come a day when he’d stop asking me questions. One day he will not seek the answers from me for his natural curiosity for life’s most perplexing questions. He will turn to social media, to friends, and possibly even Google when he has questions. One-day “mama” will not be the one he will ask. I made a point to change my perspective on the way I approached his future questions. Instead of being frustrated, I need to cherish each time my child asks me a question. He needs to see that I appreciate the fact that he is embracing curiosity and coming to me for answers. I need to positively acknowledge his curiosity, by saying “Wow…that’s an interesting question. I never thought of that.”
Most importantly…I need to remember that one day those questions may very well stop. I need to enjoy them while they last.
Children between the ages of 2-5 are filled with a natural curiosity of “WHY” about everything. However, after teaching middle school I’ve noticed that something happens as our children get older. My 8th graders were not very curious and those “why questions” that I wanted them to ask were often silenced. When some students were curious, many lacked the confidence to ask questions aloud in front of their peers. It wasn’t cool to ask questions in 8th grade. 5-year-olds don’t care if it’s cool or not.
In our society today we need curious people. We need people who understand how to ask the right questions and solve global issues in the world and in our communities. Our students who can ask effective questions will become citizens who continue to know what questions to ask. Questioning and reflecting are essential skills we need as adults. When we buy a house, visit a doctor, or interview for a job we need to know the right types of questions to ask. We need to be confident in our ability to ask questions. By continually giving students practice with questioning we are honing their skills and preparing them for very important life skills.
Parents, I challenge you to nurture this curiosity at home. How many parents ask your child at the end of the day “What did you learn today?” only to hear the very boring… NOTHING! Try changing it up a bit and ask your child “What questions did you ask today?” or “What things did you learn at school today that you are still wondering about?”
Teachers, I challenge you to create spaces in our classrooms where curiosity and questioning are valued. We need to engage students in tasks that require them to ask questions and not just tell us the answers. We also need to acknowledge for our students that we don’t have ALL the answers.
Students certainly have the right to know, dig deeper, and even push back on ideas that we present in class. Questions create a dialogue and develop a deeper trust between the teacher and student that allows us both to mutually explore people, ideas, and problems together.
Let’s create environments where it is better to ask the right questions than always to know the right answers.

 

Stop Living To Work

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This lesson took me a long time to learn. As a teacher, you feel the constant pressure of TIME. Time is your number one enemy. There is never enough time. Time to grade assignments, plan lessons, make copies, attend meetings, call parents, document student behavior, put in grades, print out grades, and discuss grades with students. Oh, and then there is more time when the official school day ends for car line duty, tutoring, coaching, clubs, and more meetings…The list is endless.

What I’ve discovered about “great” teachers is that they all have a deep-rooted desire to “do it all” and do it with excellence. The “great ones” get to school at 6 in the morning and leave after 5 in the evening. After they arrive home, the work doesn’t stop. There is always more to do. Most “great teachers” work another 1-2 hours after they get home.

Since I was in the 4th grade I wanted to be a teacher. I would pretend to be a teacher with my siblings growing up. I practiced it, I thought about it, I dreamed about it, and looked forward to the day I could be a “great teacher.” But what I learned I learned about being a “great teacher” meant I was “living to work,” and just merely existing in many other areas of my life. I was devoting the majority of my free time and energy to being the teacher I always dreamed I would be.

It wasn’t until my son was 3 years old that I got a wake-up call about living to work. He asked me to play with him one evening and I told him “in a minute” because I was busy grading papers. I had all intentions of playing with him as soon as I finished my last batch. But after I finished, I realized my son had fallen asleep, and I never stopped to play. The next day, I happened to watch the Oprah Winfrey Show about a woman who lost all 4 of her children to murder. The episode taught me how “time” is a precious entity we have with our children. However the aha moment for me was realizing that I wasn’t valuing precious time with my own child, because I was so preoccupied with being a “great teacher” for 130 other children. I knew in that moment I had to stop living for work.

I had to ensure I was a “great mother” before I was a “great teacher.”

I had to start living more for my own son, than I did for the 130 students in my class.

I had to reevaluate my priorities and my time and search for alignment in the two.

I realized my feelings of guilt would probably shift as I reevaluated my values, time, and actions. There was certainly guilt, but over time I learned many lessons in how to stop living for work and start living for me.

I learned to stop taking work home. What didn’t get accomplished at school, would have to wait until tomorrow. I learned to stop grading EVERY single assignment students turned in. I learned how to say no. I learned how to shut my door when I needed a few minutes alone to be productive without interruptions. I learned how to take a day off work, without feeling guilty.

These are just a few of my own personal lessons, but recently I read a wonderful book called The Balanced Teacher Path, by Justin Ashley. If I were a principal, this would be a required book study for my entire staff. Justin details his journey from North Carolina Teacher of the Year to rehab and his recovery to find balance in his life. The practical advice and lessons in this book can be life-saving to a teacher and a school.

One of my favorite lessons from the book is the importance of “Family Field Trips.” In this chapter, he talks about the commitment to a consistent excursion to develop quality family time and memories. I’ve taken this advice to heart and recently made lasting memories in the Great Smoky Mountains, pumpkin patches, water parks, Disney World, walking trails, the museum of history, and in Washington D.C. He taught me that we don’t have to go far, but we need to take time to break free from our routines and create memories for our families. I have now committed the weekends for fun, play, traveling, rest, and for living in the moment TOGETHER.

If you’re feeling out of balance in your career right now I encourage you to read this book. If you bought home papers to grade or lessons to plan today, but them back in your bag. Take time today for you… Go exercise. Take a nap. Play a game. Call a friend. Eat ice cream. Watch a movie. Go simply do what makes you happy. Stop living for work and start living for you!

Tell Me Something Good…

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Like every good parent, I finally cleaned out my son’s book bag from last year at the end of the summer. In it, I found a collection of journals from his 1st-grade year. I suppose the teacher had kept the journal in the class throughout the year, which is why I had never seen it before.

I sat to read it and tears immediately ran down my cheeks. What I was reading was a whole year’s worth of “good things” written by my child. Of course, about 80% of the “good things” were about his best friend Jackson. Yet, it was so refreshing to read other things I never knew that brought my son joy. I knew he found excitement in getting new shoes and enjoyed our trips to Sky Zone. I knew how much he loved McDonald’s milkshakes and riding his 4-wheeler. But I didn’t recognize how excited he was that his cousin Jacob learned how to walk. I didn’t grasp how important our nightly games of nerf guns and tag were to him. I never realized how much he valued campfires and roasting marshmallows. I learned insightful aspects about my son through Ms. Witt’s daily journals.

Here are a few of his journal entries:

“I am happy because Jackson might come to my house today.”

“My dad is going to take me to Sky Zone today.”

“My mom played tag with me at night.”

“My little cousin knows how to walk.”

“My grandma took me to the park yesterday.”

 

I’m grateful Ms. Witt allowed her students to keep this journal throughout the year. As a teacher, I always took the time at the end of my class to read a “quote of the day” and allowed students time to share “good things.” It was a wonderful way for me to connect with their personal lives, build relationships, and develop a mindset of gratitude. However, after reading Cameron’s notebook I wish I had allowed students to write their “good things” in a journal. I would love for my students’ parents to hear the things students shared with me in class they may have never known. They would have gained insights from their own children if I had let students reveal their thoughts and opinions on paper.

As parents, we often assume we understand every aspect of our own kids. Yet, sometimes we are in such a rush going through life, that we don’t stop to let them write and process their thoughts. Reading Cameron’s journal and the things he cherished showed me new and unique aspects about his thinking. Overtime, I saw the confidence in his writing improve. At the beginning of the year he usually wrote one sentence and by the end, he had developed his writing skills significantly. I believe journaling increased his confidence. I encourage other teachers to develop a journal in their classroom to improve students writing abilities, build relationships, and give parents greater insights into their child’s thinking as well.

I also wish I had kept a journal of “good things” from my first year as a teacher. Yes, I can remember wonderful moments in my classroom, like the time I pranked my students by telling them they had to wear school uniforms for our revolutionary war unit. I recall great memories of students performing poetry in class, field trips, challenge days, dance contest, and skits students performed. But there are many memories and students I wish I had captured in journals. Whether you are a beginning teacher or halfway through your career, pick up a pen today and start your “good things” journal. Reflect on it often and remember all the “good things” about being a teacher.